Don't You Know How to Get Girls?

okay. i'm writing this blog to help all my bros out there. i've seen you try to get girls or have heard you talking about how complicated we are. but honestly we're not that complicated. so ive decided to break down into some easy steps just how to not only get, but keep, a girl's interest and attention.

(Steps #1-3 will require the most effort but dont worry, after these, your efforts will be minimal.)

Step #1. Make the Initial Contact.
You see her from across the room. Go up to her. If youre decent looking she has probably already noticed you and waiting for you to come up to her and buy her a drink (which you might wanna do, you know, just in case youre not that good looking and/or funny *side note: being good looking and/or funny are always good pre-steps). I know at this point the circle of girlfriends she has around her looks like a giant ring of fire surrounded by flesh eating heynas but really theyre most likely just retards who are 2 drinks deep and complaining about their crappy love lives. so just go up and ask her if she'd like a drink and start talking. hopefully things are going well with your conversation and if she isnt a complete heartless loser she'll give you her number and thank you for the drink.

Step #2. Make the Initial Phone Contact.
If she has any respect for herself she wont text you first. So text her the next day to a week later depending on how much she sparked your interest. Now, don't text just a "Hi", it makes you look gay. Text something that requires an answer back but not a question like "Hows your day going?" cause we know you dont care. Base the question on the conversation you had when you first met. Refer to something that is relevant.

Step #3. Ask Her Out.
Ask her to go out and grab a drink. Nothing fancy. NO dinners and NO movies. Dinners are like the fast lane to Boresville. You will go back and forth asking questions about school, work and family. You might as well just ask for her resume. And movies dont give you the chance to talk and most likely she'll want to see some rom-com that stars Jennifer Aniston and then you'll just end up resenting her. Just go out for a drink and keep it light and fun. Make good conversation and again...be funny.

Step #4. COMPLETELY IGNORE HER.
Yeah your date was good but thats not important. What's important is that you stop talking to her. If she texts you, dont text back right away, wait like a few hours or maybe even a day to reply. She'll go crazy for you, trust me. She's probably with a girlfriend going on about your date and how you havent text her back yet and how she's wondering if you didnt get the text and contemplating re-sending you another one, not to mention questioning her self-confidence. By now she has probably lost the respect for herself that held her back from texting you first. If she texts you to hang out again make sure you let her know you'll hang out on YOUR time and by YOUR rules. i mean, youve got stuff to do right? it's NOT about her, its about YOU.

Step #5. Use Social Networking to Your Advantage.
If you are facebook friends with her, posting pictures with other girls is vital to getting her attention. Change your profile picture or post a wall photo with you and some chick that looks like Adriana Lima's second cousin. Again, she is going CRAZY for you right now, i wouldnt doubt it if she's crying to her friends and eating her feelings at this exact moment. Oh man, you've GOT her. And if you can throw in a status about how much you love one of your other girl friends or check in at a bar with 17 other chicks youre GOLDEN. You might as well start having your friends call you Mark Wahlberg because you are THE MAN.

Step #6. Send Mixed Signals.
Oh yeah she's gonna love this. Be super charming and nice and funny and sweet when you go out with her and treat her like a princess when you see her. Then again refer to Step #4 immediately after you drop her off. She's probably on cloud 9 on her Hello Kitty bed spread thinking about how great you are and planning your holidays together. But you know whats up...ya bro.

Step #7. Start Dating Other Girls.
This is the final step. Now that you are an expert in how to get girls repeat these steps and juggle as many girls as you can handle, the sky's the limit. Just remember to follow these simple steps. Its easy and ive told you everything you need to know about getting girls. See we're NOT that complicated.


I know this post is not helpful to girls so I've written the steps you need to take to get guys as well.

Step #1. Be hot.

Good Luck!