day oo9: bryan
saturday night i went out again and met a guy named bryan. like most of my conversations with people at bars there's always a lack of something, no not awareness, but something more. a lack of authenticity and compassion. and im not saying i bring that to the table every time i strike up a conversation at a bar. but usually the only things going through my mind while talking to a guy at a bar are "is this guy gonna want my number?" or "where are my friends?". while thinking about all these things i began wondering "why can't every conversation be authentic and compassionate?" we reap what we sow. if i only half-ass conversations about my job and school im gonna get those same conversations in return. but when you actually open up to someone i've seen they give you a lot more in return. and i now see how ive limited myself in those conversations.
day o1o: sylvia
sunday morning i was sitting in church by myself as usual. i sat in my usual spot about 15 minutes early because i have about 15 minutes between serving with the two-year-olds and the next service. i noticed a lady sitting a few seats down from me by herself. now im thinking this is it. i notice she's texting so i decide to wait til she's finished. so then the minutes start to roll by and im thinking "damn that's a long text" but as i watch her text i realize she is typing one letter every two seconds. and as the minutes pass im getting nervous because i dont know if ill have the time to talk to her before the service begins. i almost went over to ask her what she wanted to say and id text it for her. well finally i see her press the send button and immediately i move next to her. i introduce myself and we talk about how she's been coming to the church for about 6 years and has two kids but usually goes to a different service with her husband. when i told her i introduced myself because i wanted to meet new people she told me that it's good because sometimes we just come in and sit in the same spot and leave. and i thought about it...ive been going to the church for about 3 years now and ive been sitting in same spot and i think about the other people who sit around me in their same spots too. and then i thought about how many times i walk into church and listen to the message and leave without even talking to these people who make up the same church i love and go to. every sunday is a new conversation waiting to happen.
day o11: jae
now i'd love to say that i met someone new today but the truth is i didnt...kinda. i was sick all day and stayed home from work. i knew i wasnt going out but i knew i had to meet someone. as horrible as i felt i still worked out and decided to get a protein shake at juice it up. knowing this would be my only interaction with a stranger i walked in ready to meet someone. but as i walked in i realized i had already met the person helping me. it was a friend of mine's girlfriend. but i thought about it and ive never actually talked to her before. i was still committed to the conversation, i introduced myself and learned where she went to school and learned what she was studying. and what surprised me most was her willingness to ask me questions in return. ive seen that usually people just answer the questions i ask or i tell them more about myself, hoping in turn they'd say something. i think before i was afraid of the silence in the conversation, those times when there's nothing to say, but now i see that things are spoken in the silence and it allows for things to come up.
with all this said i have a confession. these past few days ive realized i became more concerned with meeting my one new person everyday than the actual conversation that followed. and i saw that tonight with jae. although i had already "met" her before, i never talked to her and made time to ask her about herself. im seeing that this whole project is allowing me to actually meet people and learn about them. and again i made it about myself and who I would meet instead of thinking about others and what they had to say.
so bare with me through all this as im still learning...and im still human and selfish.
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